Nights in Black Cotton
by vampyremiyu
Summary: Someone has been sneaking around Konoha and stealing a specific item from everyone. But why is the thief tormenting the village? And for what purpose! OOC-ness and comedic action. Comments are encouraged and welcome.


NIGHTS IN BLACK COTTON  
A Naruto Ficlet

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is being written strictly for fun. It is not to be taken seriously in any way. Born of two very tired women and their imaginations. Warnings for possible OOC-ness. Please enjoy! A Standard Disclaimer appears at the end of the piece.

--

"AHHHHH!"

"No!"

"Not again."

Naruto groaned as he searched his bag of clothing. He'd just done laundry the day before, and he was certain that he had a clean set of clothes to change into after his shower. His pants were there, as was his t-shirt and jacket. His headband lay neatly on top of the bag. With a towel around his waist, he searched the room itself.

Nothing.

They were gone!

And it was the same for everyone else in his class. Every person had had at least one item stolen. The girls included. Even the teachers were not immune to the thievery.

"That makes three nights in a row," Sakura said as she took her seat in the classroom.

"Mine were even booby trapped," Kiba said, falling hopelessly into his chair. "And POOF! The trap was never sprung! Akamaru never saw the thief."

"It's amazing!"

A sigh. "It's mindboggling, is what it is!"

"Don't you mean scary, Ino?"

A nod. "Must be someone very talented."

A scoff. "Someone with a very sick fetish."

"They'd have to be sick if they wanted yours, Shino."

A gasp. "Hey!"

"Wait a minute." Shikamaru held up a hand to stop the arguing. "Did any of you girls stop to think that if ours are gone, so is Sasuke's?"

They guys all slumped into their seats, finally glad to be rid of the girls' attentions.

Sasuke, however, just wanted to crawl under the desk.

"Idiots," he muttered, squirming in his seat.

"Yours too?"

He glared at the young man that sat behind him. "So?"

"So...we need to find out who's doing this," Naruto said, sitting on the desk. "I mean, the whole village has been affected now."

"Everyone," Sakura asked. "That's evil."

"And the same thing stolen each time."

"What a mystery!"

Class that day had been cut in half as the elder ninjas were required to focus on the latest thefts in Konoha. While the younger ninja were to be reading, they were actually formulating a plan. A plan to catch the nighttime thief and bring him to justice. In groups, the men and women split up equally to set their traps and prepare for what was going to be a very long night.

In the heart of the boys' dorm, Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Choji and Neiji huddled in the growing darkness. Their traps had been laid and set. All that was left to do was wait.

"I'm curious though," Kiba whispered to Naruto as they waited. "What do you think they look like?"

"Probably all frilly and pink," Shikamaru replied.

"I think they're lacy and white," Shino added.

"No, no," Choji corrected. "White with little teddy bears on them."

"I say red with black polka dots on them," Neiji commented.

Kiba smiled in the darkness. "Are Hinata's that color?"

"How the hell would I know?!" Thankfully the darkness hid the dark red that tinted Neiji's cheeks.

"It's probably the color of his," Naruto added.

"Hey!"

"Maybe we should take shifts," Sasuke offered. Was he the only voice of reason here? And the only one completely uninterested in the thief's objective? "That way we can each get a little sleep."

"I'll take first watch," Naruto offered.

"Fine. Wake me up in a few hours for the next watch," Sasuke said.

"WOOF," announced Akamaru before he curled next to Kiba to sleep.

So as the boys settled on the hardwood floor, the room seemed to drown in quiet. Not an insect, not a groan of the wind could be heard. Would the thief even strike tonight?

"Hey, Neiji?"

"What now, Kiba?"

"How do you think the girls are fairing?"

Shikamaru snorted as he rolled over to get some sleep. "They're probably making a party out of it."

And sadly, he wasn't wrong.

Well, not completely, anyway.

"I'm still taking bets on boxer briefs! Place your bets right now!"

"Oh no. He's tidy whitey all the way."

"Boxers!"

"Briefs!"

Ino and Sakura stood in the center of the room, shoulders square and eyes blazing at the other. It was throw down of sorts. But there was only way to settle who was right, and who was wrong.

They needed to catch the thief.

Only then could they see for themselves.

"Umm...shouldn't we be focusing on catching this thief?"

"Yeah, that should be our main objective here."

Hinata practically cowered behind TenTen as the two girls' glared daggers at them.

"How are you not curious about this?"

"Are you mad?"

"No," Hinata spoke up first, her voice low enough that it was hard to hear. "But if we don't catch this thief, only more are going to be stolen."

"And then no one will be wearing any," TenTen added, crossing her arms in front of her. "Not even Sasuke."

Both of the girls' faces paled, before turning a bright shade of red.

"Perhaps the mental image wasn't the best example," Hinata told TenTen.

"True, but at least they're quiet." She sighed. "Now we can concentrate on the mission."

"Agreed. But...what is it we're looking for?"

A sigh. "I don't know. Anything suspicious, I guess."

For the first time since entering the room, the girls sat quietly. Listening to every noise. Every creek of wood. Every breath they took.

"Maybe we should take turns," Hinata suggested. "So we can all get some sleep."

"Ino and I will take the first watch," TenTen said. Ino was going to argue, as was Sakura, yet both girls said nothing. Turning her nose into the air, Ino went to sit by TenTen and Hinata moved closer to Sakura.

"Try to get some sleep," the shy girl whispered to Sakura.

"Thanks," Sakura replied, offering the other girl a small smile. But it was going to be a tough job. Not only was she worried about Sasuke's items being stolen. She was concerned for her own.

'Dammit,' Inner Sakura commented. 'I knew I should've done my laundry. I just KNEW it!'

It was the last clean pair she had left.

--

It was nearly two in the morning, and all of the students were tired, melting into the darkness. Neither of the guards were dong their jobs. Neither group was aware as a long shadow swept into the room. Quick as lightning, and without disturbing any of the set traps, the shadow took what it had come for from each of the student.

Thankfully, Akumaru smelled something in the air. It was stale. Cold. The puppy's eyes fluttered open. And while he couldn't see the shadow through the darkness, the bright white of the items it help were clear as day.

"ARF! ARF! ARF!"

It was Naruto who awakened first. Followed by Shikamaru and Kiba. Sasuke and the other slowly became coherent, realizing that they were not alone in the room.

"What's that?!" Choji nearly screamed.

"A thief," Sasuke said. Without waiting, he lunged for the intruder.

"Sasuke!"

Only to smack face first into the wall.

"I got him!"

"No me!"

But each attack was foiled. The shadow moved too quickly, even carrying its incredible load of loot. It received no damage despite their troubles. And it laughed -- LAUGHED! -- as the girls entered the room and tried to assist.

Surprisingly, it was Naruto who came up with an idea.

"Turn on the lights!"

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

The shadow howled as the light came on. With no where to hide, it tried to move for the door. However, Neiji, Choji and Shino were ready for it. When it went for the windows, Sakura, Ino, Hinata and TenTen were there to stop him. And when it tried to dive under a table, Sasuke and Naruto stopped it, flashing a light in it's face.

"It's a shadow puppet," Neiji whispered.

"A what?"

"It's a tool," Sakura said. "It's only doing what its master is telling it to do."

"Then we should follow it back to its master," Kiba suggested.

But as the students argued the best way to do so, the shadow ran again for the window.

"Stop him," Sasuke yelled.

The girls screamed as it hurried past them in the blink of an eye. But it was Naruto who stepped up with an attack.

"HEY!"

The shadow paused, looking back at the blond ninja. But Naruto lunged, attacking. If it had had eyes, they would have flew from their sockets as the shadow began to howl loudly. Naruto smiled proudly, imitating a move he'd seen Kakashi-sensei do a hundred times. He'd even felt it himself! There was no guarantee it would work, but it was worth a shot.

Then all of a sudden, the shadow vanished.

"It's┘gone."

"Just like that?"

"Way to go Naruto!"

And as the spirit disappeared, everything thing that had been stolen fell to the ground. One or two at first, then like a pounding storm.

"Oh my goodness!"

"They are so many!"

It began raining underwear.

"Those are mine!"

"No they're mine!"

"I told you they were lacy and white."

"No, frilly and pink."

"HEY! THAT'S MINE!"

"S-s-s-sorry."

"I didn't touch them, HONEST!"

As the student managed to recollect their own belongings and compile the rest for everyone to sort through in the morning, Kiba wandered up to Naruto and clasped him on the shoulder.

"What was it that you did, Naruto?"

"Yeah," Choji said. "I've never seen a jutsu like that!"

"Umm...I don't know." The blond boy scratched the back of his head with one hand. "I guess you could call it a shitagi jutsu."

"Shitagi no Jutsu?"

"You have to teach it to me."

"Me, too!"

"HEHEHE," Naruto chuckled, his cheek tinting a light pink in embarrassment. "Well, sure. But..."

Everyone looked at him, confused. "But?"

"There was one error," Naruto said. "One got away."

Shino asked, "Really?"

"Everything looked as if it had been recovered," Choji said.

"Not everything."

All of them turned to face Sasuke. With his back turned to them, he was staring at the pile of underwear they had just recovered. He had searched the pile several times. But to no avail.

"What is it, Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"Tell us so we can help," Ino added.

The young man turned around. There was a fire in his dark eyes as he stared, unblinking at the crowd around him. He reminded Naruto of a lost little boy. A little boy frightened to admit he was in trouble.

Embarrassed to admit that his underwear was the only pair missing.

And his favorite pair of black at that.

--

As sunrise pierced the mountains surrounding the village of Konoha, a lone ninja laid on his small cot, resting from what proved to be a most hectic evening. His shadow puppet had finally completed its mission. After several days of failure, stealing tons and tons of underwear, when all the lone ninja wanted was single pair.

Not a specific color. Nor a specific cut.

But a very specific someone's.

"Orochimaru! You awake?"

"What do you want?"

"We're leaving for our deliveries."

"Then go! Leave me be today."

A pause. "Can we get you anything while we're out?"

"NO!" Taking a deep breath Orochimaru cuddled with his newfound toy. "No, thank you."

"All right."

Alone once more, Orohimaru cackled evilly to himself, hugging a pair of black underwear to his chest.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun's undies!" He sniffed them then cuddled them some more. "Mine. All mine."

And with a smile, he went to sleep.

--FIN--

DISCLAIMER:  
Naruto, all characters and likenesses used in this story are the property of Masashi Kishimoto, Studio Pierrot, TV Tokyo and Viz, LLC. They are used here without permission to serve my own twisted purposes. I own nothing. NADA. Thanks for reading.


End file.
